now and later

An explanation for the above pictures. I've had most of my freckles lasered off. There's no use in stepping lightly, we all have eyes and our eyes scream in horror at this monstrosity. I know I do, yet -- I've never been so fascinated with my face before, and sit in front of the mirror picking and poking the scars and air bubbles. For those who are wondering, no, it's not painful, only quite inconvenient. Below are my various looks planned for the next few weeks as I hide my face, lest little children either: 1. point, scream and run away or 2. point, laugh and throw stones at me.

It is very ironic that I am finishing off this last bit of 2008 behind a mask. This year, more so than ever before, I found myself feeling utterly exposed and surprisingly vulnerable. The exterior of self-reliance that I had built up in the last twenty-five years had been penetrated and I desperately reached out to old friends and new for support and encouragement. Suffice to say, they did not disappoint. The showering of love, compassion and reassurance was an unforeseen blessing in this season of my life.

Perhaps the lesson I've learned most thoroughly this year is a lesson on love. What it is and what it is not. Love isn't a romantic notion or a time of sheer happiness. It's a growth that covers both joy and pain. Love isn't pretty or as fickle as a flower, but strong, sturdy -- though sometimes unseemly -- as a deep rooted tree. It's slow, not because it is unsure, but because it is patient. The idea of love is something I had scoffed at and doubted for many years. Yet, 2008 was gracious enough to show me what good love can achieve.

In this impossibly overpopulated city, the last moments of my 2008 will be spent alone. No, no need for "awww's" or pitying thoughts. I plan on delving into some good books, enjoying a glass of wine, listening to old C.S. Lewis recordings and singing my praises to One who is most worthy. Then come midnight, I'll throw open my windows and joyfully welcome in 2009, with its pages blank and prospects yet undiscovered. And for all my friends who will bid adieu to 2008 with others, I hope you have a lovely, laughter-filled time as you introduce yourselves to 2009. For other friends who will be ushering in the new year alone, please know that you're not alone. Let us all toast in spirit to an eventful 2008 and a hopeful 2009.

Happy New Year's.