mom's the word

The person who has undoubtedly been the most influential person in my life is my mother. I've discussed before how the absence of my father was a constant presence in my formative years. However, no one could touch how my mother has shaped my life and infused her characteristics into me.

I was brought up like a boy. Crying was forbidden, weakness was prohibited and pushups were the answers to all disciplinary mishaps. In this way, I saw the female sex as the definite feebler gender. Keep in mind, this is at a point in my life where things were black or white. Strong or weak. No in betweens, no leeway.

For these reasons I saw my mother as overly passive, powerless and unforgivably gentle. When my father left, my fear of and respect for authority left with him. It seemed I had none left for my mother. When she tried to enforce discipline, it was with a smirk I obeyed, or with disdain I did her bidding. Ahhh, youthful regret. How I remorseful I am of my actions.

In the past few years I've been able to see a bit clearer where my mother had been and what she had gone through. I can't imagine having to raise two kids on your own in a country where you can hardly speak the language. The fear and uncertainty that must cloud all decisions. It's unbelievable the strength she mustered to hide any tears, any doubt, any weakness. She showed me a woman's strength, which extends leaps and bounds above any physical strength a man can show. The quiet strength that accompanies resolve and determination. She accepted no help, but more importantly, she accepted no excuses.

I've still a lot more to learn from this woman. She'll be here in a week. I can't wait!