choices

I am riding on the subway with a fairly new acquaintance. We've just finished playing basketball and find out we live in the same neighborhood. We find ourselves on a 35-minute subway ride with the vast possibilities of conversation laid before us. After the standard sharing of jobs, schools and relationship status, we talk about our mutual interest of basketball. When we started playing, which teams/players we like, where and when we play...

Somewhere in the conversation, I'm not sure when and why, he mentions I seem bright and happy. I space out...

When I come to, he's looking at me with a question on his mouth and surprise in his eyes. "What?" he queries.

"I don't know..."

"Were you thinking if you really are that way?"

Yes. I was. Funny how a compliment can release a flood of insecurities... of memories... of anxieties. It feels like it's been years since someone had told me otherwise. It feels like it was a different lifetime ago when I let myself become something different than what I wanted to be. I've been carrying the weight of someone's words, almost willing myself to actually believe them. But no, I'm not what another defines, but only what I choose to be.

Funny how a simple compliment can be so complicated. Bright and happy, eh? So I choose to be.