bullseye

When the details of our lives begin to effect our well-being, we also find the need to re-prioritize our weekly activities and commitments. Lately, I've wondered where my priorities lie. With my hands in various vats of obligation, I feel as though I'm unable to fully commit to one thing or another. The main reason for this is because exactly how am I supposed to know what to shoot at first? What takes precedence over another thing?

So comes my decision to really sit down and iron out the fibers of my life, what keeps me going, what keeps me happy, what keeps me sane and in touch with the world. With this comes a semi-identity crisis. Am I a teacher first? A daughter first? A student first? A sister first? A friend first? A servant of church first? Am I me first?

Delving on these thoughts helped me to realize just how selfish I am. For certainly, my first and most important priority is to make myself happy. I cherish happiness and ferociously grab onto it like an alligator to its prey. To manipulate my situation so that I can be happy is usually my ultimate goal. May God strike me down now.

These days, the thing that makes me most happy is playing basketball. Summer nights spent under the lights, running up and down a court pumps the happy endorphins into my system. Ice cream makes me happy. My students make me happy. But there are certain obligations that must be kept to maintain a balanced life. Maybe the balance comes in happily accepting these obligations; facing the unwanted with a wanting attitude.

My priorities list has yet to be prioritized, and as I attempt to do so, I realize that it's just not in me to list them out and rank them on a scale. So skewed they may be, skewed they shall stay.