Being back in the states has been a whirlwind of meetings, gatherings and food. The thing that's changed the most is how people have grown in the short span of a year. When I speak of growth, I mean making a commitment to spend the rest of one's life with another being. In two days, my friend that I've known since the seventh grade will be making this commitment. It's nothing short of crazy.
It seems I've nothing to contribute to conversations revolving around mortgages and babies. This can affect one in two obvious ways. One is the feeling of being left behind. Friends are moving forward, making grown up decisions and settling down. The second feeling is of gratefulness for precisely not settling down. For the freedom to move and do as I please, unburdened with the concern of another. Which then brings into question... do I want that kind of "burden?"
It's an endless cycle of questioning, pondering and never coming to a definite conclusion.
I do know though, that NoVa has been too quiet. I've been itching to get back to Seoul, where I feel as though I have my own life. Longing to get back to my students, church and the people that I'm just getting to know. In America, friendship seemed effortless and free flowing. In Korea, there's a more concerted effort in getting to know people and making time in a perpetually busy schedule to meet, support and encourage each other. Yet, it's precisely that challenge that has made the friendships there so rewarding.
If there's one thing that this trip back home has taught me, it's that I'm just not ready to grow up, and I'd rather take a peek into the box. Not yet ready to step inside the box. Not yet.
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