to choose

The above picture was taken during a point of extreme bliss in my life. This was perhaps the most blissful I have ever been. It was during a two week hike around Mount Rainier in Washington State. In two weeks, ten of us trekked nearly one hundred miles with a total elevation gain of 22,000 feet, in various terrains ranging from dry grassy patches to slippery snowy slopes. To complete such a trip with my thirty-pound pack carrying all essential items to provide for me was a feeling of supreme self-reliance and euphoria.

It's funny, how often I refer back to those two weeks. It's as though I measure all other subsequent happy times with what happened on the trail. We were each given "trail names," as a way of shedding our society-based selves in our new environment. I was called "Bandit."

It's this identity of "Bandit" that I am constantly chasing. Who was I there? What made me so happy? Can I ever recover that feeling? Bandit felt free and uninhibited. Bandit was open to new ideas, willing to look at things from various angles. Bandit was calm, peaceful but excited.

I wonder if in all our lives we all continuously scamper after that perfect moment, that perfect feeling. But is this chase worth it in the end? We all must deal with various choices in our lives and a part of those choices entail fear of regret. Then again, we can choose to view the things in our lives in a positive light or in a negative light. The freedom of choice. How marvelous.